Cosmic Cuisine: What to Expect at an Astrology Restaurant

Alright, let’s chitchat about this here “astrology restaurant” thing. Now, I ain’t no fancy city gal, but I heard tell of folks mixin’ up stars and food. Sounds right peculiar, don’t it? But heck, I’m always game for somethin’ new, long as it ain’t too spicy or too weird.

First off, what in tarnation is an astrology restaurant anyway? Near as I can figure, it’s a place where they cook food based on them planets and stars. Like, if you’re a… a… whatchamacallit… a Sagittarius, they might give you somethin’ fiery and wild. And if you’re a Virgo, maybe they give you some plain ol’ vegetables. Don’t know why they’d do that, veggies are for rabbits, I say.

Now, I seen on the TV once, some fella talkin’ ’bout how each planet has its own kinda food. Said the sun is all about hearty roasts, you know, big ol’ hunks of meat. And that Pluto fella, he’s all about molten lava… Can’t imagine eatin’ that, sounds like a stomach ache waitin’ to happen. But hey, city folks are strange. They probably got doctors standin’ by just in case.

Virgo: They say these folks like clean eatin’. Probably means they want their food washed and not too much grease. Fussy eaters, if you ask me.
Taurus: Now, these folks, I heard they like good, hearty food. Meat and potatoes kinda people. That’s my kinda eatin’!
Sagittarius: These are the adventurous ones. Always wantin’ somethin’ new and different. Probably eat bugs and stuff, just like them fellas on TV.
Cancer: Comfort food, that’s what they want. Mashed potatoes, gravy, warm bread. Reminds ’em of home, I reckon. Nothin’ wrong with that.

I guess if you go to one of these astrology restaurants, they’ll ask you what your sign is. Then they’ll bring you food that’s supposed to match your personality. Like if you’re born under Jupiter, they say you get food that makes you live longer. Sounds like a bunch of hogwash to me, but hey, if it tastes good, I ain’t complainin’.

Heard tell there’s a place in the city, somethin’ called Kas Poly, where they do this kind of thing. Mediterranean food, they call it. Fancy cocktails and desserts too. Don’t know what half that stuff is, but it sounds expensive. Probably gotta wear your Sunday best just to get in the door.

And over in Thailand, or some such place, there’s this Italian place that looks like outer space inside. Cosmic Cuisine, they call it. Bet that’s somethin’ to see. Imagine eatin’ spaghetti under a fake moon! Crazy, I tell ya. But maybe fun, too, if you got the money to spare.

Anyways, this whole astrology restaurant thing… it’s a bit much for a simple gal like me. I like my food plain and simple, and I don’t need no stars to tell me what to eat. But I guess if it makes folks happy, more power to ’em. Just don’t try to feed me no molten lava, alright? A good ol’ piece of fried chicken is good enough for me.

So, if you’re lookin’ for a different kinda eatin’ experience, maybe give one of these astrology restaurants a try. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out your chicken salad sandwich was written in the stars all along. Just remember to bring your pocketbook, ’cause I bet it ain’t cheap. And if they try to give you somethin’ weird, just tell ’em you’re a Taurus and you want your meat and potatoes!

And that’s all I got to say about that. Stars and food… who woulda thunk it? Now, where’s that apple pie I baked? That’s the kinda food that makes sense to me.