Alright, so you wanna know about this “ascend psychological services,” huh? Lemme tell ya, it ain’t rocket science. It’s all about helpin’ folks with their thinkin’ and feelin’ stuff. You know, like when your brain’s all jumbled up like a ball of yarn the cat got to.
What’s it all about then?
Well, from what I gather, these folks at Ascend, they’re like brain mechanics. They help fix your head when it’s makin’ funny noises, you know? If your kid’s havin’ trouble learnin’ or actin’ out, they try to figure out why. They say they “enhance cognitive skills” and “boost intellect.” Sounds fancy, but it just means they help kids think better and learn faster. Like, you know, make ’em a little less like little rascals and a little more like…well, like kids who listen for once.
- They help with kids
- They help with grown-ups
- They even help with couples, like if you and your old man are always squabblin’
They talk about “emotional intelligence” too. That’s just fancy talk for knowin’ how you feel and how other folks feel. Like, not flyin’ off the handle when your neighbor’s dog digs up your petunias, you know? It’s about learnin’ to keep your cool and get along with people better. They say they “unleash the potential of liberated living,” which I guess means feelin’ good and doin’ what you wanna do without freakin’ out all the time.
What do they actually do?
Seems like they mostly talk to ya. One-on-one, they call it. You go in, sit down, and spill your guts. They listen and try to help you sort things out. They call themselves “trained, experienced clinicians,” which I guess means they know what they’re doin’. They ain’t just some yahoos off the street. They’ve studied up on this stuff. They went to school and all, probably got some fancy diplomas hangin’ on the wall.
They talk about using “research-supported interventions.” That just means they do stuff that’s been proven to work. Not just makin’ stuff up as they go along. They also say they treat everyone with respect. Well, I should hope so! Nobody wants to go pourin’ their heart out to someone who’s gonna be rude or look down on ya.
Who can they help?
Sounds like they help pretty much anyone. Kids, grown-ups, couples… They say they deal with all “stages of mental health,” from keepin’ you from gettin’ sick in the head in the first place to helpin’ you get better if you do. They talk about “prevention and management, relapse prevention and recovery.” Sounds like they’re with you for the long haul, from when things start gettin’ wonky all the way until you’re feelin’ like yourself again. They even help folks who’ve had a rough patch and are tryin’ to stay on the right track.
They say they help with all sorts of problems. They don’t give a whole list, which is kinda nice, cause sometimes you don’t want everyone knowin’ your business. But it sounds like if you’re feelin’ anxious, or sad, or angry, or just plain confused, they might be able to help. And like I said, they help couples too. If you and your spouse are always at each other’s throats, they might be able to help you figure out how to get along better. They call it “couples therapy.” Maybe it’ll stop you from throwin’ his socks out the window every time he leaves ’em on the floor.
Is it safe?
They say they offer a “safe, secure, and private place” to talk. That’s important, you know? You don’t want everyone in town hearin’ about your problems. They gotta keep their mouths shut, that’s the rule. It’s like what happens in church stays in church, only this ain’t church, it’s…well, it’s head-fixin’.
And where are they?
Well, this one place I heard of is in Cincinnati. If you need help with your relationship, they got someone there for that. Seems like there are others too, but they don’t say exactly where. You probably gotta look ’em up online or somethin’.
So, is it worth it?
Well, look, I ain’t no expert on this head shrinkin’ stuff. But if you’re feelin’ lost or messed up or just need someone to talk to, seems like these folks at Ascend might be worth a shot. They say they help you “discover your purpose” and live a better life. And who wouldn’t want that, right? They say they help from “life’s early chapters to its final pages”. That means they’re there for you no matter how old you are or what you’re going through. From the time you’re a little squirt all the way to when you’re dodderin’ around with a cane.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go chase that darn squirrel outta my garden. He’s been diggin’ up my tomatoes again, the little rascal!
