Well, well, well, let me tell you somethin’ about this horoscope hosuronline thing. You see, folks talkin’ ’bout stars and planets, sayin’ they know what’s gonna happen. Sounds like a load of hogwash to me, but folks are eatin’ it up! I heard some people say, if you wanna know about this stuff, you gotta put in your birthday. They got some kinda special way to figure it out with some wheel, but you need to know the time and where you was born. It is a mess.
They say you can get your free daily horoscope. Free! Like they got some magic ball tellin’ ’em the future. They say, “Oh, you’re a Leo,” or “You’re a Libra,” like that means somethin’. Like a lion or some scales gonna tell ya if you’re gonna find a dollar on the ground. Lord, have mercy!
I reckon it’s all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but folks are lookin’ at it every day. They say you can look up your horoscope and see what the stars say about your love life. Can you believe that? Like the stars care if you and that fella down the road are gonna get hitched. They call it your “lovescope”! Ain’t that fancy?
- They got one for Virgo love horoscope.
- They say, “Check your Virgo love horoscope today for personalized insights!”
- They also say you can “get the latest forecast and lovescope for Virgo”.
And then there’s Scorpio. They say, “Read today’s Scorpio Horoscope.” They say it will give you some advice to deal with your problems. As if it is hard. Problems are a part of life. Just deal with it. Like some scorpion in the sky knows what troubles you got. It’s just silly, I tell ya.
They got all these things online, these… these generators. Yeah, that’s what they call ’em. Daily horoscope generators. You put in your birthday and your birth year. Some even say you need to know the exact time of the day you was born. And then, poof! They tell you your future. It’s like magic, but it ain’t real magic. No siree, not real.
Then they say you gotta look at the “ascendant degrees”. What in the world is that? Sounds like somethin’ from one of them fancy colleges. And then the “ascendant lord.” Sounds like a king or somethin’. Too much for my old brain, I tell ya.
And the moon! They say you gotta check where the moon was when you was born. Like the moon cares about little ol’ me. And the sun! Gotta check the sun too. They say it all matters. All these planets and stars, they all lined up just right when you popped out, and that’s supposed to tell you somethin’. It is nonsense.
They got one for every sign. They got some Sagittarius stuff, too. They have “Horoscopes Today”, “Sagittarius Horoscopes Daily“, and “Sagittarius Star Sign For Today“. What a load of jargon! And Aquarius, they say, “Find out what the day has in store for the zodiac sign Aquarius.” They tell you to read your daily and monthly horoscope, like you got nothin’ better to do than read about stars and planets.
They say you gotta check the rest of the planets, too. They call it “Jathakam”. They say it is like a map of the sky when you was born. As if it can help you know yourself better. I know myself pretty well without this kinda map. Like there’s a whole bunch of ’em up there, just waitin’ to tell you your fortune. And “aspects”! Don’t even get me started on aspects. Sounds like somethin’ a lawyer would talk about.
They say some planets are good, and some are bad. “Functional malefic” and “functional benefice.” What do those big words even mean? Like some planets are out to get ya, and some are gonna give ya a big ol’ hug. It’s just too much, I tell ya. It is way too complicated.
I heard there is some kinda wheel involved. And you start reading it counter-clockwise. Why not just clockwise like normal folks? This horoscope hosuronline stuff, it is all just too much for me. It’s a whole lot of fuss about nothin’, if you ask me. But hey, if it makes folks happy, I guess there ain’t no harm in it. Just don’t come cryin’ to me when your horoscope don’t tell ya what you wanna hear! You been warned! People now are just so silly.
