Easy Guide to Reading Critical Role Tarot Cards

Alright, alright, let’s talk about these here… whatchamacallit… critical role tarot cards. My grandkids, they’re always yappin’ about ’em. Said I should learn somethin’ new, so here I am, tryin’ to make sense of it all.

Now, from what I gather, these ain’t just any old cards. They got some fancy names attached to ’em, like this Mollymauk Tealeaf and Jester Lavorre. Sounds like a couple of troublemakers to me, but hey, who am I to judge? They got their own way of doin’ things, I reckon.

These cards, they’re part of somethin’ called Moonweaver cards. Don’t ask me what that means, sounds like somethin’ out of a fairy tale. But they say it’s a kind of tarot or oracle deck. Tarot, oracle… sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus if you ask me, but folks seem to like it.

So, what do you do with these here cards? Well, seems like you can ask ’em questions. Like, “Will my chickens lay more eggs this month?” or “Is that no-good neighbor gonna finally fix his fence?” You know, important stuff. Or you can just let the cards do the talkin’ and see what they got to say. They say somethin’ about “true, false, useful, or insightful.” Sounds like a whole lotta guessin’ to me, but like I said, folks seem to get a kick outta it.

Now, there’s different kinds of cards in this deck. They got the big shots, the major arcana, somethin’ like 22 of ‘em. And then there’s the little fellas, the minor arcana. More cards than I got teeth, that’s for sure. They say these cards, they got pictures and stuff on ’em. Like, one’s called The Fool, and another’s called The Jester. Seems kinda similar, both sound like they ain’t got a lick of sense. But they say one’s about new beginnings and the other’s just plain silly. Go figure.

Major Arcana: The big important cards, like the kings and queens of the deck, I guess.
Minor Arcana: The regular folks, the worker bees of the card world.

And get this, some of these cards, they can even tell you about gettin’ a job! Like, the eight of pentacles, or the ace of pentacles. Pentacles… sounds like somethin’ you’d find in a church, but I guess it means money or somethin’ like that in this card talk. Then there’s the page of cups, and the page of pentacles. Pages… like little delivery boys bringin’ you good news, maybe? And even the six of pentacles or the six of swords, they say that means a job offer is comin’ just when you need it most.

My grandkids, they say these cards come from some kinda show, Critical Role. They watch it all the time, talkin’ about dwarves and dragons and whatnot. I swear, I don’t understand half of what they say. But they seem to enjoy it, and these cards, they’re part of that whole shebang. From the recent episodes, they tell me.

So, if you’re lookin’ for answers or just want somethin’ to pass the time, maybe these critical role tarot cards are for you. Me? I’ll stick to readin’ the weather and gossipin’ with the neighbors. At least that makes sense to me. But hey, to each their own, right? If these cards make you happy, then go for it. Just don’t come cryin’ to me if they tell you somethin’ you don’t wanna hear.

And that’s about all I got to say about these here fancy cards. Hope it made some kinda sense to ya. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go check on my chickens.