Well, well, well, look at this, horoscope funny, they say. Ain’t that somethin’? Stars and planets, they tell ya what’s gonna happen. Hah! I got news for them stars, they don’t know nothin’ ’bout my life.
They got these things, what they call ’em? Zodiac? Yeah, that’s it. Like, Gemini, and Scorpio, sound like somethin’ you catch, not somethin’ you are. They say these stars, all grouped up like a bunch of grapes, they tell your future. Sounds like a load of hooey to me.
- Gemini
- Sagittarius
- Scorpio
- Planets
- Stars
Astrology, that’s a big word for star-readin’. They look at where the stars are when you pop out, and they say that tells ya everything. They look at your “birth chart,” like it’s a map to your life. I tell ya, my life ain’t been no map. It’s been more like a bumpy dirt road, full of surprises!
They say the moon’s in the “6th house” or somethin’. What’s a house doin’ up in the sky anyway? And they say it helps with debts. Well, I got debts, and I ain’t seen no moon helpin’ me pay ’em off. Maybe I’m lookin’ at the wrong moon?
These horoscope things, they even talk about business. Social media, virtual somethin’, laundry. What’s that got to do with stars? My laundry gets done when I got the time and the water’s hot, not when some star decides it’s laundry day.
And they got these funny horoscopes now. Parody, they call it. Sounds like a fancy word for makin’ fun of somethin’. I reckon they’re makin’ fun of the regular horoscopes, which are already pretty funny to me. It’s like laughin’ at a joke that’s already been told.
I saw one of these horoscope funny things from a long time ago, they say it was from the last century. Well, that’s a long time! People believed this stuff then, too? Guess some things never change.
They say, these horoscope things, that they’re free. Free daily horoscope. Like they’re doin’ ya a favor. I can tell ya what’s gonna happen today for free: the sun’s gonna come up, and then it’s gonna go down. And somewhere in between, I’m gonna have to do some work. Don’t need no stars to tell me that.
They got tags, too. Like, #Horoscope, #Astrology. Like it’s some big secret code. It ain’t no secret that it’s all a bunch of baloney. You know what, if the horoscope tell you that you have a bad day, just spit on it and show it who is the boss. Life is what you make it, not the planets.
They tell you what the stars have in store for you. I got a store down the road, they got beans and rice in store. That’s somethin’ I can rely on. Can’t eat no stars, can ya?
This whole horoscope funny business, it’s just a way to sell newspapers, I reckon. Or get folks to click on their websites. They gotta make a livin’, I suppose. But I ain’t buyin’ what they’re sellin’.
I say, you wanna know your future? Look at your hands. See those lines? That’s your life right there. What you do with those hands, that’s what makes your future. Not some twinkly lights in the sky.
So, these horoscope funny things, yeah, they might give ya a chuckle. But don’t go thinkin’ they know somethin’ you don’t. You’re the one in charge of your own life. You have the power, you are the boss, don’t let the stars fool you.
And if you see a horoscope that tells ya you’re gonna have a bad day, you just tell it to go jump in a lake. You make your own day, good or bad. That’s the real truth, and you don’t need no stars to tell ya that.
