Well, let me tell ya about these dirty horoscopes, the funny kind, you know? Folks always talkin’ ’bout stars and what they mean. I ain’t no scholar, but I heard some things, seen some things, and let me tell ya, some of it’s just plain silly, but makes ya chuckle.
First off, they say Libra folks, yeah, the ones born under that scale thingy, they ain’t too keen on cleanin’. Can you believe it? My old man, he was a Libra, and bless his heart, he couldn’t find a broom if it was stickin’ out his behind! Always leavin’ his socks on the floor, crumbs everywhere… drove me nuts! So maybe there’s somethin’ to it, this star stuff. But then again, my neighbor Sally, she’s a Libra too, and her house is so clean you could eat off the floor. So, who knows? Makes ya wonder, don’t it?
Then there’s Sagittarius, the archer folks. They say they’re messy too. My grandson, he’s one of them Sagittarius fellers, always leavin’ his toys all over the place. His mama, my daughter, she’s always yellin’ at him, “Pick up your stuff! You livin’ in a barn?” He just laughs and says, “Grandma says it’s ’cause I’m a Sagittarius!” The nerve of that boy! But he’s got a point. He’s always got a pile of somethin’ somewhere. Shoes by the door, papers on the table, tools on the… well, you get the picture.
And Taurus, the bull? They say they like their comfort, which I guess means they don’t like movin’ much to clean. Can’t say I blame ‘em. My joints ache just thinkin’ about scrubbin’ floors all day. I knew a Taurus fella once, Big Jim, owned the hardware store. His shop was a mess, tools and nails everywhere. But he always knew where everything was, so I guess it worked for him. He’d say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and if it ain’t dirty enough to stink, leave it be.” Guess that was his Taurus way.
- Libra: The messy scales, can’t find a broom.
- Sagittarius: The messy archers, stuff everywhere.
- Taurus: The comfy bulls, too busy relaxin’ to clean.
Now, they say Scorpio folks are jealous. Jealous of what, I don’t know. Maybe they jealous ’cause other folks got cleaner houses? Who knows with them Scorpios! My sister-in-law, she’s a Scorpio, and she’s always eyein’ what other folks got. New car, new curtains, new whatever. Always gotta have what someone else has. Maybe that’s what they mean by jealous. Or maybe she’s just nosy. Again, who really knows?
Someone shared a funny horoscope the other day, said somethin’ about how a Virgo would organize their sock drawer by color and then alphabetically by brand. I laughed ’til my sides hurt! My niece is a Virgo, and she’s exactly like that. Everything in its place, neat as a pin. Drives me crazy sometimes, but I guess it’s better than livin’ in a pigsty.
And them parody astrology folks, they really take the cake. They make up all sorts of silly stuff, like how Geminis have two different personalities, one for each sock. Or how Cancers are so emotional they cry when they spill their coffee. It’s all just for fun, of course, but it’s funny ‘cause it’s sometimes kinda true, you know? Makes ya think maybe there’s a little bit of truth in all them jokes.
So, whether you believe in this horoscope stuff or not, it’s good for a laugh. And maybe, just maybe, there’s a little somethin’ to it. I mean, why else would my Libra husband leave his socks on the floor and my Sagittarius grandson’s room always look like a tornado went through it? Makes ya think, don’t it? Anyways, I gotta go sweep the floor now… darn Libra husband left his muddy boots by the door again! But at least it gives me somethin’ to chuckle about, thinkin’ ‘bout them dirty horoscopes.
Funny horoscopes, they ain’t gonna tell ya the future, but they might just make ya laugh, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll help ya understand why folks are the way they are. Or maybe it’s all just a bunch of hogwash. Either way, it’s fun to think about, right?
Tags: [horoscopes, funny, dirty, astrology, zodiac, libra, sagittarius, taurus, scorpio, parody]
