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Well, howdy there! Let’s gab a bit about them horoscopes, you know, the ones they print in that fancy magazine, “Elle.” Yeah, the 2024 one. Don’t know much about this “Elle” myself, but my niece, she reads it all the time. Says it tells ya what’s gonna happen, like if you gonna find a good man or get a new hen that lays double eggs. Heard tell it’s all about the stars and such, which sounds like a bunch of hooey to me, but hey, what do I know? I’m just an old woman.
So, let’s see what this “Elle” rag says about 2024. They say each of them star signs, you know, like Aries and Taurus and whatnot, gets a special focus this year. Sounds like a lot of work to me, focusing on all them signs. I got enough focusin’ to do just gettin’ through the day, what with the garden and the chickens and all.
Love, they say. That’s a big one, ain’t it? Says the stars can tell ya if you gonna find love or if that fella you been eyein’ at the market is gonna finally ask you to the barn dance. Hmph. Stars don’t know nothin’ about that. Love’s more about whether a man’s got a good heart and strong hands, not some fancy star pattern. But these city folk, they like to think they know somethin’. They talk about “compatibility” and “passion” and all sorts of fancy words. I say, if you can stand to be around him all day and he don’t snore too loud, that’s good enough compatibility for me.
Then there’s the career stuff. Career, they call it. Like workin’ ain’t just workin’, it’s gotta be some fancy “career.” They say the stars can tell you if you gonna get a promotion or find a new job or if that boss of yours is gonna finally give you a raise. Now, that one I might believe a little more. Stars or no stars, sometimes things just work out, and sometimes they don’t. But if you work hard and keep your nose clean, chances are things will be alright. At least, that’s how it always been for me. No stars needed.
This magazine, it talks about each month special, you know, like November 2024 horoscope. I guess they think every month is different. Well, I can tell ya that, every month is different on the farm, that’s for sure. But it ain’t the stars that make it different, it’s the weather and the crops and the animals. One month you’re plantin’, another month you’re harvestin’, and another month you’re just tryin’ to stay warm. That’s the real horoscope, right there.
They also talk about weekly horoscopes, like what this week bring you. Will you find love or change your career? I say, one day at a time is all I can manage. Worryin’ about the whole week just gives you wrinkles.
They say something about “collaboration with colleagues” can lead to good things for some signs, like them Aquarius folks. Well, I say, workin’ together with your neighbors is always a good thing. Help them, and they’ll help you. That’s just common sense. Don’t need no stars to tell you that.
- Aries: They’re probably gonna be busy, those Aries folks. Always are. Full of energy, like a rooster in a hen house.
- Taurus: Stubborn as a mule, but good workers. They’ll get the job done, even if it takes ’em all day.
- Gemini: Two-faced, they say. Can’t say I know many Geminis, but sounds like trouble to me.
- Cancer: Sensitive types. Need a lot of reassurance, like a newborn calf.
- Leo: Loud and proud. Like to be the center of attention, like a peacock struttin’ its stuff.
- Virgo: Nitpicky. Always fussin’ over details, like a hen peckin’ at every little speck of dirt.
- Libra: Can’t make up their minds. Always weighin’ the options, like a farmer deciding which seeds to plant.
- Scorpio: Secretive. Keep their cards close to their chest, like a fox hidin’ in the henhouse.
- Sagittarius: Adventurous. Always lookin’ for somethin’ new, like a young pup explorin’ the farmyard.
- Capricorn: Hardworking. Always focused on their goals, like a squirrel stashing nuts for the winter.
- Aquarius: Independent. Do things their own way, like a lone wolf out in the woods.
- Pisces: Dreamy. Always got their head in the clouds, like a child starin’ up at the night sky.
So, there you have it. That’s what this “Elle” magazine says about 2024, near as I can figure. Take it with a grain of salt, I say. The stars might be pretty to look at, but they ain’t gonna tell you how to live your life. That’s somethin’ you gotta figure out for yourself. And one more thing, them Chinese signs, like the Snake, they are also in the magazine, but I don’t know anything about them, no sir.
Tags: [Horoscope, 2024, Astrology, Elle, Zodiac, Love, Career, Predictions, Forecast, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Monthly Horoscope, Weekly Horoscope]
